My Journey as a Gestational Surrogate

2009-03-12T18:11:00.000-07:00

OK Tuesday I got my first BFP yay, it was very light, so I'm not even sure you will see it, you really gotta stare at it, but in person you can see it pretty good..I was 8dp3dt, I was getting a little upset. my IP's e-mailed me Monday night, to tell me the remaining 4 embies didn't make it to be froze, :( I feel so bad for my IP's. they really need this to work this time.

As for my symptoms....I am sleepy, OK I am taking naps during the day :) alittle nauseous, my abdomen is achy, sore, kinda like cramps. but the one thing that is weird is my breasts are not sore yet, hmmm!! last time they were killing me!! everything has just started so I'm sure it will be here soon, not that I am looking forward to it.

My beta will be Monday.....

Transfer went well

2009-03-03T19:26:00.000-08:00

Ok I have been on bed rest and I am still taking it easy. Our transfer went well. I was having some spotting for a few days, so I was freaking out!! But the clinic said dont worry.

My IP's Y&A showed up shortly after us, they brought me a gift. My IM made me a Japanese cake. That was so nice of her.

So we get into the transfer room and we were talking about March being a "Lucky Month". So the nurse showed me a 4-leaf clover that was in a frame, yes it is real, an old patient of theirs gave it to them. So I asked her to bring it back over to me. I told her I should rub it for good luck. So she brought it to me, and said "EVERYONE" should rub it. So Joe, Y & A , the nurse and Dr.S all rubbed the clover. So we have to have some sort of luck this time. I mean come on, we rubbed a 4-leaf clover :)

Dr.S checked my lining and it was perfect, wow, I am so excited now, We transfered 3-8 celled ebryos, that is great :) I said a little prayer in my head. Please, please let this work for Y&A , they so deserve a baby this time. I dont know how much more of this they can take.

So we left the clinic, and our 5 hour car ride turned into almost 6 hours....we were stopped on the freeway for 45 min urggghhh!!! There was an accident. So finally we got home, boy was I glad to be here.

PIO shots, they have actually been ok this time. They dont bother me as bad as the first time, I am sore, but I can handle it. And Jenn has been doing them for me, thank you.

Today is only 1dp3dt, I am officially in the 2ww, urgghh!! and my pg tests came in the mail today, yay. But I know its too early. So maybe friday I will start testing. my beta is on March 16, seems like its so far away :(

Transfer tomorrow

2009-03-01T19:06:00.000-08:00

Ok I know its been awhile . So here's whats been goin on. Friday my IM had her egg retrieval. I got the call on Saturday saying, they got 8 eggs...woohoo :) and 7 of those 8 are fertilized :) that is fantastic. I have had a few issues last week. I was spotting, totally freaked me out!! I called the clinic and they said not to worry, everything is fine. OK, if you say so! Thankfully I stopped, absolutely nothing the last 2 days, (sigh!!) So I need to be in Cincinnati at 10:30 tomorrow morning, we are headin outta here at about 4:45am. Not going to be a fun ride, because my rear end is a bit sore!!! I started taking my PIO shots, in my hip last friday. Thankfully my wonderful best friend next door has been helping me with them. On our first cycle I ended up doing them myself, but it is so much better to have help, and if Jenn don't mind, then I don't. so thanks hun for being there for me :)

Ok since it is March, its a "Lucky" month, right? So this has got to work for my IP's.. so now I gotta find something green to wear tomorrow, I do believe I have a green care bears shirt, I know but its cute!! AND it says "I have all the luck"' So I gotta wear it.

Ok I need to head off to bed and get some really good sleep...lol. or I will sleep on the way there, its a 5 hour ride, (one way) eeek! but its like a breeze now we have been there so many times already!

Ok good nite, wish us luck :)

2009-02-07T21:36:00.000-08:00

OK I know I have been gone awhile, but so much has happened. First thing I had an ultrasound which showed one little precious heart beat. My IP's were so happy. I went back for another ultrasound at 9 weeks and the heart just stopped. We were all very sad. Doc says sometimes this just happens, he reassured me it wasnt anything I did or didnt do. But that didnt help, I was really sad for my IP's.

So the day after Thanksgiving i went into the hospital to have a D & C. They told me to eat a LIGHT dinner the day before!! HELLO it was Thanksgivimg, I dont think so, I love food, and since the baby stopped growing I got my appettite back, I was eating!!! and man did I...LOL .

So surgery went as well as it could! Now I just needed time to get better and get through the holidays. Joe got laid off too, the day after Thanksgiving. Right before the holidays. That sucked!!! So we were bumbed. But everything worked out. I dont know how. I guess you just gotta have faith. I prayed like a mad woman!! Just begging for things to work out for us. And they did. I guess I was a good girl last year, Santa granted my wish..lol..Our unemployment came in right away, and we had some extra money come in too. So we gave our kids a great Christmas after all.

Ok so now January.Joe got to go back to work earlier than we thought, so yay for that. I started taking Lupron shots again on January 17. wow how wonderful is that?? lol.. Then I went to have my blood drawn on the 27th, to check to see if I am "down regulated". The clinic called and "yes" I am. Wonderful news, now I gotta wait for IM to have her blood drawn, but that wont be until Feb 5, wow a week away.

February...

Ok my IM had her blood drawn and everything is lookin good. Sunday Feb 8 will be artificial day 1, I will start taking my Estradiol tabs, and continue the lupron. I am so excited :) I will have a ultrasound on day 12 which will be Feb 19, to check my lining to make sure it is plenty thick enough. I cant wait.

So now I think I am all caught up. Tomorrow is Sunday, estradiol here I come!!! I am so ready to get this show movin along again. This will be out third transfer. First time just didnt work, second time we had a miscarriage, and third time is the charm...IT WILL WORK, my IP's are wonderful, they truly deserve to be parents, I hope I can make that dream come true for them this time.

2008-11-06T19:33:00.000-08:00

Well the big day is finally here. Tomorrow is our ultrasound to see how many beanies are growing !! I'm guessing 1, but you never know..

We are making a vacation out of it. My IF may not be there for the u/s so we are staying over in KY and plan on spending Saturday with them. Hopefully I will be feeling good enough to spend some time with them.

I hope the 5 hour car ride there isn't going to be so bad. This will be the first time we took all 3 kids. And I have been feeling horrible. Joe better be ready to pull over when I yell!!

So I wont be home until late Saturday , I'm sure I will be too excited to wait until Sunday, so I will probably come home and jump on here right away to post "how many".

MORNING SICKNESS :(

2008-11-03T20:53:00.000-08:00

OK, so I took the kids to school this morning, and I no sooner walked in the door and headed straight for the bathroom. YEP, I got sick, just alittle, but I guess that counts as MS. Oh I am so not looking forward to that. I didnt have that with my other pregnancies (3). But I am much older now, so I guess my body has different plans this time.

Oct 27.2008

2008-10-27T05:52:00.000-07:00

Well today is my birthday, so let me start off by saying "Happy Birthday to Me". I'm 34 today. When I hit 30 it felt like the end of the world..lol.. I didn't want to be in my 30's. But now that I've been here for a few years, it really isn't that bad. I am much more mature than I was in my 20's. I'm older, but not old, and wiser.

So you are supposed to make a wish when you blow out your candles, right? Hmmm, ok. I really don't need to wish for anything. I have a great family, that supports me. Healthy, happy kids, who do very well in school. A husband who will go to any length to make sure I'm happy. I've learned when you have happiness and good health, there is no need to want material things. So, the only wish I have is...I wish there were more people in this world that would help other people, whether it be, surrogacy, giving a few cents to a homeless person, or just being a friend to someone who needs one. There are so many ways we can help and make a difference in someone else's life. On that note, I am truly blessed to have found wonderful IP's to help. They are a deserving couple and I cant wait to make them happy parents :)

ok here is a first belly shot

2008-10-24T15:43:00.000-07:00

Ok I know its early, but I want to keep track of how my belly will grow.

This was taken today 10-24-08,

I am roughly 4 weeks,

I started measuring my belly a few months ago, and it has been the same .

The day after our transfer 10-07-08 I measured again it was still the same 31".

So yesterday 10-23-08, my belly just felt "full" really odd, so this morning I measured,and guess what 32", I think maybe there is more than one baby in here :D

So I gained 1 inch ..lol

2nd BETA< OCTOBER 22,2008

2008-10-24T15:27:00.000-07:00

TA DA..... my numbers more than doubled they are 4500, can you believe it. WOW

So now Im wondering how many??

I checked my beta and it says every 32 hours it was doubling...hmmmm!!!!

My ultrasound is scheduled for November 7, 2008. I will know then "how many beans are bakin' in my oven...lol"

OCTOBER 20,2008

2008-10-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

Ok today I am going for my beta test, I cant wait to here my numbers.

Today is starting hectic, I need to go for this bloodtest, then I need to go to my grams calling hours. Everytime I seen my gram she would tell me she prays for me every nite, in hopes this works for us. When I took my first hpt I ran over to tell everyone, when I told my gram she had tears in her eyes. She has been waiting to hear this good news. She was so interested in hearing about my surrogacy. Last friday sadly she passed away. I will truly miss her. I am saddened that I wont be able to tell her the results, but then again I guess she will know. It was strange how all day I never got a call. finally at 9 I did, Lizzie, the nurse called and said "it was just strange she felt like going back to the clinic, and found my results".

We were supposed to leave at 8, thats when the calling hours ended. But for some reason we just didnt leave, or we couldnt leave. I was trying to balance my emtions, sad for my grama, but excited and happy for the pregnancy. I couldnt get very upset about my grama, due to the fact I am pregnant. I didnt want to put myself at risk for a miscarriage. And I know that my grama would want me to be very careful. The one thing that kept me together was hearing my grama time and time again saying "Im ready, I want to go". I hated hearing that, but I could underdstand how she felt. She just turned 80, and even her favorite thing of all, reading, was becoming boring to her. I think she was tired of being here. With that said, I know my grama would want me to be happy about being pregnant, and to share it with everyone. So when we got the call at the funeral home that I am officially pregnant, it was amazing. I am happy that I could be in the same place as my gram and family when I found out. I know she heard the news, I only wish I could have told her and seen her smile and hug me with happiness. I wish I could have at least had that from my gram :( But now I know I have an angel watching over me, making sure I am ok, and nothing goes wrong. I figured, since she prayed every night, God must have decided since he was taking my grama home, he would answer her prayer and help me, help another family. So I will move on and be healthy, because thats what she would want for me.

YAY WE ARE PREGNANT :D how exciting. It was so cool to have my family with me when I found out. My beta is 1399, that sounds really good. so now I will go again on Wednesday for a second beta

OCTOBER 15, 2008

2008-10-24T14:58:00.000-07:00

Here is my positive test :D

Ok its been 3 days since my first positive, and I have been testing like crazy. Each time was a positive. But I bought a first response, and I got a dark line, wow it is so pretty. I cant wait for my IP's to find out. I don't want to tell them because I don't want to get their hopes up in case my beta numbers come back too low...

OCTOBER 2008

2008-10-24T14:45:00.000-07:00

Here we are in October. This has been along road. I'm getting ready for our 2nd transfer. I hope this time will be the miracle.

Oct 2, I need to go for blood work and Ultrasound in Cincinnati. Gotta make sure everything is good!

Ok its a GO! we are on for Oct 6.

So we got my mom to watch the kids and decided to go down the night before. This way I can be relaxed and calm, not a nervous wreck from driving for 5 hours. Oh and I have to be there at 7:45 am. So I guess I better go the night before, huh?

Ok the transfer went well, we transferred 3 embies this time, oh no what if all 3 take!! yikes :o

I did more research, this time I will drink tons of pineapple juice and I'm staying in bed for 3 days, no baths, no lifting, the whole 9 yards. My family is ready to pick up the slack, so I don't have to do anything. I love them, they are great.

So I stayed in bed all week, my transfer was on a Monday, I don't want to chance it this time. I didn't stay in bed I stayed off my feet. Its been a nice vacation, no cooking, no cleaning. Don't get me wrong, my house isn't nasty, my husband and kids were doing all the work :D

So my transfer was Monday, today is Saturday and I cant stand it, I am in pain. Cramping like crazy, what is going on, could it be, the embies are implanting. I took a hpt this morning and got a BFN!!!

Ok today is Sunday and I felt like crap today too. I took a test this morning and got BFN!! I don't know whats going on. We went shopping and a few times I got light headed. It's 11pm right now, I think I will sneak into the bathroom and take a test, I know I am just torturing myself, but hey I'm bored....

OMG!!!!!!! I see a line, it is very faint, I cant believe it, I think it worked this time....I wont tell anyone just yet.

Ok I told Joe, I couldn't keep it to myself, plus I needed to know if he could see the line too....

I will wait a few days and buy a good test to make sure the line gets darker

SEPTEMBER 16,2008

2008-10-24T14:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our 8th wedding anniversary. It was nice. My husband is still supporting me. He keeps me going through all of this. He keeps telling me "you can do this". Its funny he is like a coach.

So anyways, Today, 9-16-08, I started, not like all of you need to know that, but hey its important. Tomorrow I start Estrace again. 2mg. 3x a day. I already have my treatment plan and I am so ready to do this again!!

Our transfer will be with frozen embies this time, I hear this sometimes is the trick. It works better.

Oh and the best part NO MORE SHOTS, hip hip hooray!!! I will be taking prometrium, its a suppository.....hey its better than a shot, a little messy, but better :D

Our 2nd transfer will be on Oct 6,2008.

SEPTEMBER 12,2008 Bloodtest

2008-10-24T14:34:00.000-07:00

Today is the blood test (beta). I don't have any confidence that this transfer worked. I have been positive, but I don't feel it. So off I go to have my blood drawn.

Well its official, we are not pregnant. I just knew it! I feel so bad. I feel like I did something wrong. I know I didn't . It just happens sometimes.

My IP's called me tonite, I really cant handle them being so upset. My IM sounded so sad. I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how to comfort her. I need it too. I feel like I failed.

I guess we have next time to look forward to.

So I have been instructed to STOP all meds.. and wait for my cycle, yippie!!

TRANSFER DAY AUGUST 29,2008

2008-10-24T14:22:00.000-07:00

Well the day is finally here. My rear is so sore, I cant sit, I cant lay, It hurts to move. Oh see I forgot to mention after the first few shots my leg was completely sore. The shot itself didn't hurt, but afterwards, holly cow!!!! Pain I tell ya!!

I didnt know how in the world I am going to make this drive for 5 hours, with my rump hurting so bad. I guess I will take a pillow to sit on..

The transfer went well. We had 2 3day 8celled embies, grade 1, which is very good, the best!!! Dr.S says take it easy today and return to normal activity tomorrow, just no heavy lifting.

After the transfer my IM started crying and crying, so I got emotional. I didnt expect that. Now I truly know how badly she wants this. I felt so bad for her. I really hope this works. I want to be able to make her a mommy.

So now my IP's want to take us for lunch. It was nice, but I am in a hurry to get home. Its been along day and I'm tired and my rear still hurts...
I tried to stay off my feet all weekend, since it was Labor day weekend. I felt alittle crampy the first 2 days which is normal.

Day 5, I took a hpt, it was a BFN, I guess its too early. Day 7, I took a hpt, and got a BFN!! I don't think this worked, but it could just be too soon.

But I don't feel any different, Usually you know, you just have that feeling.

AUGUST 10,2008

2008-10-24T14:12:00.000-07:00

Today is August 8, 2008. I had to go back to Cincinnati for a blood test to see if I'm down regulated. So we can determine our artificial day 1. Then we will know when the transfer will be. And I will know when I have to start taking the Progesterone in oil shots, they go in your rear!!! OUCH! That is a big needle........

August 10,2008, today is day 1. I can start following our treatment plan and it looks like we will transfer on day 20.

8-24-08, Day 15, I stop taking Lupron shots, thank goodness, I have retained alot of water from these shots!

8-17-08, Day 17, I start taking the PIO shots, at nite!! Oh no. yes I'm scared, first its a big stinkin needle, second, its a big stinkin needle.....

No one, I repeat NO ONE wants to give me this shot. My sis was going to attempt it, but she left. Not too sure I wanted her to do it anyway.

So Jen, my neighbor came over, she gave me the shot. It really wasn't that bad. I did alot of research on how to take the shot. You have to cool the skin then warm the muscle. Its a whole big routine. About 30 mins later and your done. But I worried for nothing.

I let Jen do it 4 times, then I decided "I can do this" I had read that some woman have given it to themselves. So I wanted to see if I could. No problem. I did it!!

JULY 16,2008

2008-10-24T14:08:00.000-07:00

Today I start taking my Lupron shots, these are given in the belly. Not sure if I can handle it. So I decided to drive to my Aunts house. She helps my grama with her insulin sometimes. So I know she can do it. I think it will hurt, so I'd rather someone else give me the first one, then I will take over.

Ok I'm back, It wasn't too bad. It did sting alittle. I'm just not used to getting shots in my belly.
Lets see how this goes :)

JULY 2008

2008-10-24T14:06:00.000-07:00

FINALLY!!!! I got my contract, yay!!! I signed them and sent them back on July 8,2008.

We get to do something this month. Oh crap now I have to start meds!!!!! Shots!!! Yikes, don't know if I'm ready for that. we shall see.....

June 2008

2008-10-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

Not much happening this month, still waiting on the contracts to be written up. I cant wait I am so anxious to get started already!! Come on people lets get this ball rollin'!!!!

MAY 2008

2008-10-24T13:54:00.000-07:00

May 5,2008, today is my sons 8th birthday, unfortunately I wont be home with him. I have to go to Cincinnati to meet the fertility Dr. I will have an ultrasound done and some paperwork and blood work as well.

Wow what a trip that was. It took us 5 hours to get there and another 5 hours back. Its been along day. The doctor and nurses were all so very nice. The clinic was amazing. Dr. S says everything looks good. We are just waiting on the contracts to be signed then we can move forward.

Sunday, March 16,2008

2008-10-24T13:48:00.000-07:00

Today is the day. We will meet our IP's. But first we decided to make a vacation out of it. We had to go to Columbus to meet at the Cheesecake Factory. So I made hotel reservations. We took the kids and had a blast!!! there as an indoor pool and I got a room with a hot tub. It was nice and relaxing

I wanted the whole family to meet our wonderful couple. It was a great lunch. I think we were there 2 1/2 hours. I was nervous, but it was very nice. They brought me a little gift. Japanese cookies, man were they good!!

MARCH 2008

2008-10-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

So this month I will be going to a counselor, to make sure I can really do this.

Everything went well. He will approve me. So I am happy, we get to move forward.

WHY I WANT TO BE A SURROGATE

2008-10-24T13:21:00.000-07:00

So very often I get asked "Why do you want to be a Surrogate?" Why do you want to do that to your body for someone else? Are you scared you will get attached?

Well, for so long I have always been all about "ME". Over the years I have changed, and so has my attitude towards people. I am all about giving now. I am married to the man of my dreams, the most wonderful guy in the world, I know, everyone says that. He stands beside me and supports me in everything I do, even the crazy things..lol. We have 3 great kids. I think, no I know they have changed me. They made me a better person. My kids are my world. I cant imagine not having kids. Its hard to think that there are couples out there that can not conceive on their own. I know there is adoption, but to have a biological child of your own is a miracle, its breath taking, and I believe everyone should have that option available to them. I have watched a close friend, well actually 2 friends, try to conceive. It was very hard, to watch her heart break time and time again with negative tests. I knew then I had to help someone, if not her.

As for my body, I can exercise, I had 3 healthy, wonderful pregnancies and I absolutely loved being pregnant :D

I want to be a good role model for my children. I want them to know it is a great feeling to reach out and help other people. If you are capable, and healthy then you should always lend a hand.

To help a stranger, and to create a friendship with them, its amazing. This will be a journey I will always remember.

My husband Joe, worries. He says "what if something were to happen to you?" Well if I get called home to heaven while doing this, I want my family to be proud. I know my children are still small, but later they will be proud of their momma trying to help someone. That is a risk I am willing to take. I feel like this is something I have to do. Its like I woke up one morning and it hit me. I had such a strong feeling about it, that when I would talk about it I would tear up. So I know I am doing the right thing, this is my calling in life.

I'm not a religious person, I don't go to church. But I do believe in God, and in miracles. And I believe he does put you on the path you are supposed to be on. some of us may have to struggle, some may have it easy. I think we all learn from our experiences.

As for getting attached, Im sure I will have a bond with the baby(s) carrying them for 9 months, but I will know they are not mine, and to see how happy I can make another couple, I can help them become a family, parents. To see the joy in their eyes. I can let go! I want them to feel what I feel, when I look at my kids, complete happiness.
I am done with my family, we have 3 kids. We cant ask for any more, we are truly happy :D

Feb.2008 Found an Agency & IP's

2008-10-24T13:09:00.001-07:00

Right away I found an agency. I filled out an online application and sent it in. Within 2 days I received a call. We had a phone interview. I had to send them some photos of me, and call my insurance company, to get a copy of our policy. Lisa is the founder of the agency, she is a very nice woman, she answered all of my questions and explained everything to me step by step.

It all happened so fast in 4 days they already had a couple interested in me. WOW, I was nervous and excited. I don't know what to say or what to ask. And to make it more interesting it is a Japanese couple. So we scheduled a Sunday night conference call between myself, Lisa and my IP's. That is so cool to say, IP's (Intended Parents).

The conversation went well. My IM (Intended Mother) is still learning English, so I really didn't get a chance to speak with her. My IF (Intended Father) is very nice, his English isn't so bad.

I just know this is the couple for me. I know I can have the patience with them, because their English isn't so good, and I could hear in their voices how badly they want a family. It touched my heart, that I could possibly help this wonderful, deserving couple.

February 2008, my decision is made

2008-10-24T12:39:00.000-07:00

Ok I know I started this journey months ago, but I have been keeping a journal and now I decided to post it.

After alot of research, I have decided to become a Gestational Surrogate. Now all I have to do is tell my husband, Joe, and hope he supports me. Then I will need to find an agency.

Joe came home from work, I made him a great dinner, (to suck up of course..lol) and then I blurted it out.."honey I want to have babies for other people". OK I know I could have said it better, but it just came out that way. He looked at me like I was crazy and said "WHAT". So I explained everything to him, and how the babies would not be ours at all. Almost instantly he said "OK, whatever you want to do is fine with me". I let him know I would need him to support me and agree with this 100%. But he said "It's all you babe". NO! WRONG! Its US. We will be in this together. He understood. He called me his hero, he is so proud of me and he cant wait to tell everyone. I told him to hold off, I might get scared and back out, but I didn't!!